Just passing this on to you.

I was coming home from dropping my son off this morning and hear you speaking about this and I am 100% for it. Every parent should be as active as possible with their children’s school activities. I know my parents always tried to make every field trip and dance they could. My parents even helped run the local sports league when I and my brother did sports for years. All unpaid obviously. But I have noticed a terrifying trend with parents recently. Many that became old enough to be parents in the late 90's to early 2000's. A lack of effort to be involved with their kids. A lack of want to know what the children are doing. But most heinously, a lack of interaction at any level with their children. I see far too many parents drop their child off at school; pick them up from school just to drop them off at their parents’ house. Some even drop them off at all day childcares because they want to go out and drink. Or they have things to do only to come back for the kids at like 8 pm. Then go home and feed them and off to bed. This is not what makes a parent. This is still a child mentality. As a parent you are to ensure your child is healthy both physically and mentally. A parent’s job is not to simply make money and throw it at the children by buying them clothes, food, and toys. It is the parents’ responsibility to teach their children manners, socializing, and communication skills. It is not the schools job. It is the schools that help hone and specify these skills to a larger degree so the children can become more aware to the nuances that come along with these pivotal lessons, but it is the job of the parent to introduce these to the children.

I believe the reason that this has become natural to many is because there was such a big boom in the ideal that "I am more important and I will establish myself before I have a family." On the surface a very noble thought, but ultimately self defeating. Why? Because once you have established yourself, you have balanced your life. Money in = money out. Stress in + Stress relief = little to no stress. However, with the addition of starting a family this balance is thrown off. Money in no longer = money out and the stress equation is now stress in^2 + 1/2 stress relief = almost double the stress. The reason for this is because you have made the point to balance your life believing you have taken into account the cost and stress of a family. How could you account for something that you have no experience with? How can you know how much money you will need to make to ensure that your life balance is stable when you do not have that expenditure of a family there? You can't. Then when you become a parent you realize that you hadn't planned for it at all throwing your life out of balance. You then begin to look for balance again and the easiest way is to allow others to take the extra expenditure (child) while you continue back on the balanced life you once had. In short, the aversion to change and the natural propensity of the human mind to make everything easier is what ultimately fails this ideal.

That was sort of a side track sorry, but my main reason for the e-mail is that I heard you speaking of the kids not understanding what parents do for them all the time and the things they give up and what not. I understand what you mean, as I am also a parent, but there is one thing my father always instilled in me through his actions and made sure I remembered. Something I was never explicitly told but understood as I grew up and matured. Everything he did was to ensure I was healthy and as reasonably happy as possible. He worked his fingers to the bone, and sacrificed much. But never once would he ask me to think of him. Never once would he ask me to walk a mile in his shoes. Never once would he say "Do you know what I had to do..." This was because he finally told me, when I became a father, that his job was to selflessly protect and raise an adult. Asking nothing but love and respect in return. Asking for no gifts, no special thanks, and no recognition for all that he has given up. It was his job. A job he did without monetary or physical reward. Seeing his child grow up and hopefully become a loving and caring parent was the only compensation he was owed.

So yes, I do believe a parent needs to be involved in their child’s life. I do not believe that the child should be told to see what the parent must sacrifice. Because if you raise them right, in time they will see it and will love and respect you for all that you have done and will want to parent as you did. Thus continuing the nurturing nature that they were given. I try every day to be the father that my father was to me because above all he did everything and asked for nothing.

Sorry for the e-mail for being so long, it was just supposed to be a simple 2 minute "here's my opinion" e-mail. :) By the way "you" does not mean you personally, it just started using "you" so the rest of the letter needed to follow with the same tense and grammar.

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I am so thankful for your input. I agree whole heartedly. As a matter of fact, I am rereading a book called Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp. I highly recommend it. It is from a Christian perspective so I don't want you to be surprised. Some are offended by Christianity so just letting you know so you can make your own decision on to read or not. It speaks of the very thing you write.... parenting is an honor and privilege never to imply or have the mind set of "this is what I did for you" or the like. Thank you for the gentle rebuke. I welcome and appreciate it!!! :)

Many blessings and Happy Thanksgiving!!

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Sounds like a book I may pick up. I personally don't go to church or anything of that nature, but I can respect and understand others and their beliefs so the fact it is written from a Christian perspective is interesting to me, but thank you for the heads up. You are welcome for the the gentle rebuke. These are the kind of issues that should be simple and gentle debates, but seem to almost always turn heated. Doesn't make sense to me for so many to get heated, but that's just me. Thank you for the suggestion and I hope you also have a Happy Thanksgiving and best wishes!