Second lady Usha Vance’s announcement of baby number four was delightful and refreshing news. Having four children in the U.S. is not the norm these days. Across the U.S., women are having fewer children, or none at all. As a parent myself, I hope Vance’s news will encourage more women to do the same.
A woman’s decision to have children is often seen as a personal lifestyle choice. However, this decision also affects the nation: without enough births to maintain its population, a country struggles to sustain its economy, communities and culture.
We do not have to look far to see where this leads. The Free Press recently reported that Britain is facing a full-blown demographic crisis. Deaths are now poised to outnumber births. Many educated, prosperous and financially stable women say their decision not to have children is deliberate. One woman in The Free Press story noted, “It’s not that I don’t have reasons. It’s that I have too many. If you knocked one down, I’d just give you 10 more.”
The United States is experiencing a sustained decline in birth rate, which has lasted for over a decade and now puts the rate well below replacement level. This trend mirrors challenges seen elsewhere.
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The reasons women give for avoiding motherhood are real: children and childcare are expensive; many careers demand total availability during a woman’s prime fertility years. Often, the culture treats motherhood as a professional liability rather than a benefit to society.
But there is another factor few are willing to say out loud — one that affects women long before they ever consider having children. Increasingly, women are not delaying motherhood because they do not want families: they are having trouble finding men who are ready to build one.
Modern dating is broken, and pornography has played a devastating role. Millions of men now habitually consume pornography. Barna Group data from 2024 found that 78% of U.S. men (ages 13–65) consume pornography “to some extent.” But this is not harmless entertainment. Many studies have shown that heavy pornography consumption distorts expectations, damages emotional intimacy, reduces motivation and undermines real-world relationships.
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Pornography can lead men to have distorted views of sex and women. A culture that normalizes constant sexual consumption trains men to expect gratification without sacrifice. Pornography promises connection but delivers isolation.
A lonely society, cut off from marriage, family, and genuine intimacy, does not reproduce itself. A culture that floods men with pornography should not be surprised when fewer of them step up as husbands and fathers. When men are trained to consume rather than commit, women ultimately pay the price, but so does the larger society.
Marriage does not collapse because women suddenly lose interest in family. It collapses when men stop pursuing commitment. Growing numbers of men are living disconnected lives, often alone, often online. Indeed, men are also being sold a lie that they have to have an enormous amount of money saved before they can commit to marriage and children.
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Women are not often rejecting motherhood out of selfishness or ambition. They are responding rationally to a dating culture where emotional maturity, fidelity and long-term responsibility are increasingly rare.
America needs strong men who are willing to reject pornography and focus on leaving a legacy by building families. At the same time, women should resist the message that motherhood must be delayed until everything is “perfect.” That day will never arrive. And the reality is that fertility does not wait.
Yes, economics matter. But economics alone cannot explain what is happening. Even countries with generous family benefits, paid leave, and subsidized childcare remain well below replacement fertility rates. When marriage weakens and meaning erodes, no amount of government spending can persuade people to build families.
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Career success matters — education matters. But neither was ever meant to replace family, meaning, or legacy. A culture that treats children as optional accessories eventually runs out of people. That decline shows up in labor shortages, strained entitlement systems, and a shrinking pool of future caregivers, workers and citizens.
What is missing is a shared belief that marriage, motherhood and fatherhood are still good and worth protecting.
Each generation before us faced uncertainty, whether in the form of war, depression, or upheaval, and yet still chose to build families. They believed the future was worth the investment. A society that stops believing stops having children.
America now stands at a crossroads: we can rebuild a culture that honors marriage, supports motherhood, and calls men to responsibility, or we can manage decline and pretend it is progress. Children are not the problem: they are the point. Second Lady Vance models that well.
