Our first Hump Day on the new site? Great! At least we have comments now. Can’t wait to see how that goes. Heads will be SPINNING before long. Look out.
Yes, it’s been a week … but I think we’re getting there, right? Kind of? Sort of? At least we still have Instagram embeds and the Instagram models, am I right? If all else fails in life, we still have that.
And, of course, 38-year-old Hilary Duff. Let’s roll.
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps — the one where Hilary stops by for a workout that leaves suburban moms across the US of A sweating bullets. This is how you stay in shape, folks. Take notes.
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
What else? I’ve got a plea to the NFL insiders ahead of tomorrow night’s draft, Kay Adams is ready to rock and roll, and Bill Clinton seems as happy as ever. And by that, I mean he’s completely gone. Just gone.
OK, grab you a Girl Scout cookie for National Girl Scout Leader Day, and settle in for a (slightly rearranged) Hump Day ‘Cap!
Obviously, we like Girl Scout cookies around here. Yes, they are unfathomably bad for you. RFK Jr. is probably trying to get the little scouts locked up for LIFE after reading the ingredient label on the back.
But, that doesn’t mean they aren’t delicious, because they are. We’re not libs, you know. We may be MAHA, but we’re still patriots at heart, and there is nothing more American than a Girl Scout cookie.
Thin Mints are the undisputed champ in the GSC game, for those wondering. They’ve withstood the test of time, and no amount of disgusting added preservative is going to change that. Tagalongs are up there, along with Trefoils and Adventurefuls. Yes, I had to look up the names for all of those. Had no idea.
Also, Samoas should be good because I love coconut, but they’re garbage. Sad, but true.
Anyway, let’s go ahead and get class started. We’re going to change things up a tad and put the headliner at the top of hour from here on out, because it seems like something the analytics department would like.
So, here’s 38-year-old Hilary Duff working off a few boxes of girl scout cookies and sending MAHA moms into a tailspin:
Yes! Welcome back to class, Hilary. Been a while. By the way, Hilary’s sister, Haylie, and her fiancee, just recently shared a stunning announcement about their marriage …
It’s off. That’s right. OFF. Donezo. Kaput. Finished. Hit the road, jack!
But that’s not the wild part …
Twelve years!!! 12. How exactly does a 12-year engagement work? What does that look like? Are you just planning a wedding for 12 years? Just every now and then bring it up? See where everything stands? Wild.
I was engaged to my now-wife for six months before we tied the knot. Twelve years seems … excessive. You’d think at about Year 3 you’d probably just realize it’s not happening and move on, right?
Oh well. True love bites the dust again. Sad.
Anyway, speaking of things that were popular back in the 1990s and have now come back around …
Amazing. I don’t even know where to begin. Incredible stuff all around. If you thought Joe Biden was lost, Bill Clinton cannot be far behind. The constant smile is just impressive. Could you imagine holding a smile for that long? Where do we think Bill really is during that 90-second speech from Jerry?
Speaking of Jerry … what in the world did he just say? Can anyone translate it?
“This guy was recently named the second-most American to have started with very little.”
Huh? What the hell does that MEAN?! Amazing stuff from Jerry, from start to finish. It rivals his scene in “Landman” from last year.
Anyway, I didn’t realize Bill and Jerry were such good pals. Not sure Bill does anymore. Regardless, it’s a beautiful thing to see mere hours before the NFL Draft.
Speaking of … let’s rapid-fire this Hump Day into a big Hump night! First up? Here’s your yearly PSA that “Draft Day” is amongst the greatest sports movies ever made:
What a movie. No notes. 10/10. Perfection. Kevin Costner traded away a billion picks for the top pick, got cold feet because nobody went to the No. 1 player’s birthday party, and then somehow got all of his draft picks back at the very end with some incredible wheeling and dealing from the war room.
Oh yeah! Diddy (!!!) and Terry Crews both played major roles, Sam Elliott was Wisconsin’s head football coach, and Jennifer Garner took a brief break from selling us Capital One cards to play the role of front office chick Costner knocked up.
Again, no notes. Perfection.
Next? Back to reality, and back to the real NFL Draft. Here’s a quick note from Peter Schrager ahead of tomorrow night:
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“There is no valor in spoiling an NFL draft pick.”
Amen, Peter. Preach, brother! There is no dumber tradition that’s come with this insufferable age of social media than spoiling draft picks. It’s the dumbest thing we do each year.
Now, one can argue that it’s our fault for scrolling X during the draft, and that’s fair. Either watch it or don’t. Put the phone down, and enjoy something for once.
But, as Peter says, it’s also on the zillions of “insiders” who are all fed the exact same info three minutes before the pick who feel the need to tweet out every single thing. For what? Clicks, of course!
Don’t give it to them. Enjoy the Draft. It’s a great night. Be in the moment. My greatest draft night memory is from 2020 when the Dolphins took Tua. I really thought we hit it. I lost my mind.
In hindsight, I wish I was on my phone and missed that one. Yikes.
OK, that’s it for today. Happy Draft Day Eve to all who celebrate. Take us home, Kay!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Where does Draft Day rank for you? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
