A woman who lived as a man for six years said she wished doctors would have been more honest with her about what transitioning would do to her life and emotional health.
“I wish that the doctors would have explained the in-depth parts of surgeries, that I would grieve unwanted body parts, that I would be emotional about it,” Kyla Gillespie told Fox News Digital in an interview.
Gillespie’s struggle with gender dysphoria began in early childhood.
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“I was born a biological female, I grew up in an athletic house, I was raised in a Christian home,” Gillespie said. “And at a very young age, about five or six, playing hockey, realized that I actually wasn’t one of the boys. I was a girl and have very few recollections of that moment, but I just realized I was different than most little girls. And from there, growing up in the Christian home, I went to youth group and I started to realize that my friends were attracted to the opposite sex, but this, unfortunately, just wasn’t the case for me. I ended up being attracted to the same sex and, at that time, about 14, 15, my parents also got divorced and that really separated our family.”
By the time she was 19, Gillespie said that she had begun drinking and that would lead to 11 years as an alcoholic.
“Being so broken away from home and really lost, I took my first drink at 19. And if I would have known anything about alcoholism, I would’ve known that day, blacking out that I was an alcoholic,” Gillespie said. “But it would take 11 years for me to realize this. Playing at a highest level of women’s hockey in Canada, owning my own business and teaching high-performance hockey, my life was falling apart.”
After 11 years as an alcoholic, Gillespie said she knew she needed to change something, so she ended up entering a Christian recovery facility.
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“In that process, the very first six months of recovery, I ended up telling everyone socially that I was going to transition, and I did,” Gillespie said to Fox News Digital. “I transitioned socially and then also got on testosterone, changed my pronouns to he/him, changed my name to Bryson, and lived that for almost five and a half years.”
To transition, Gillespie said she changed her pronouns, got on testosterone, and had various surgeries.
She said she wished doctors had explained the possibility of regretting her transition, adding that communication about transitioning was only positive.
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“There was just like, ‘This surgery will help you to feel more complete, to feel more in line with the gender that you believe you are,’” Gillespie said. “And also I had some transgender friends who didn’t really share the bad parts of the transition. And I wish that people would have, you know, shared that with me that we are going to grieve the body parts that we loathe, even my chest, like I grieve those things because God had created me with those. And it’s so much deeper than just, you know, wanting those to disappear and having them removed.”
Years later, Gillespie said new leadership took over the ministry, began sharing the Bible, hosting small groups and building friendships.
“I could tell that they held to a biblical sexual ethic, and I had this deep dark secret, and they were being vulnerable with me, but I was scared if I ever told any Christian at all that they would ask me to leave,” Gillespie said. “And so in that process, about five and a half years into my full transition, medically and hormonally, I ended up sharing my story with those two people, my pastor and his wife.”
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For a year and a half, she said she “wrestled” with Scripture, but ultimately had what she described as a powerful encounter with God.
“And God spoke to me in such a powerful way one day when I was so depressed, so lost, and He said, ‘Return to me, Kyla,’” Gillespie said. “And I hadn’t heard Him use that, like, I didn’t go by Kyla anymore. And there was so much dysphoria around my given name. And so, in that moment, though, I didn’t feel like it was heavy, or I didn’t feel dysphoria around my name. I felt like I was home when He called me.”
Gillespie said that detransitioning had never been on her radar, and that she didn’t “know if I’ll ever be female again,” but that she heard God asking her, “Do you trust me? And are you willing?“
Gillespie said she said yes and has now spent about nine years detransitioning.
When Gillespie returned to doctors who had helped her detransition, she said they told her they had never encountered a similar case.
“The doctors had said to me, we’ve never walked with a patient that has been on testosterone and had the surgeries that you’ve had, and now want to go back to their sex at birth,” Gillespie said.
Gillespie is now the founder of Renewed & Transformed, a ministry that focuses on Christian teachings related to faith, sexuality and identity.
She is also the author of “TransFormed,” a book about her story of gender dysphoria, reassignment surgery, and journey of detransitioning back to a female, and her faith journey.
“The hope that I have in sharing my story and sharing my testimony is that people will hear that there are consequences for our choices, yet we serve a God of the impossible, and He is a God of reconciliation and restoration,” Gillespie said.
