It’s Wednesday, and that means it’s time for the first official unofficial summer edition of The Gripe Report.
We talked about it recently, but I don’t care what science says; summer starts when we hit Memorial Day.
Once the Indy 500 is in the books and the grill is fired up, I’m in summer mode.
Have a gripe? Send it in!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com
When I was a kid, summer was my favorite season. It meant no school, warm weather, and my birthday was close.
Now, it might be my least favorite season for those same reasons and more.
So, let’s dig in to some of the worst things about summer.
Electric Bills Skyrocketing
I live in Florida, and that means that summer is the time of year when it gets surface-of-the-sun hot outside.
Just like when it gets cold in other parts of the country, the best way to play defense against this is to simply keep your a– inside.
However, cranking the AC and throwing on so many fans to keep the interior of Reigle Manor (our rented townhouse) at a liveable climate comes at a price.
A literal price.
I’m more invested in the energy bill than I ever thought I’d be. I hate when it’s high and I’m entranced by keeping it low.
In fact, I think the moment I said to my wife during the cooler months, “Hey, let’s pop the windows open and turn off the AC,” only to be rewarded with a significantly cheaper energy bill, was the moment I officially crossed the threshold into adulthood.
But, in the summer, ponying up some extra bread is a necessity, lest you want to die of heatstroke in your home.
I’d prefer to avoid this.
Kids Being Out Of School
I’ve got no issues with kids, but my wife and I are DINKs: Double-Income, no kids.
This isn’t to say that I’m against having the kids I don’t actually have at home all summer.
What I am saying is, I’m against other peoples’ kids home all summer and ruining stuff I like to do.
The biggest problem happens down at the neighborhood pool. When school is in session, it’s like an oasis where you can relax, unwind, and not have to worry about an 8-year-old cannonballing into you.
Over the summer? It’s none of those things.
I blame the parents. Kids, let’s face it, are idiots by nature, and that’s not their fault.
I was once a kid and an idiot. Some would even say I’m still the latter.
But it’s a parent’s job to right their dopey little kids’ wrongs. So, when they crash into a handsome writer and his wife who are just trying to enjoy some beverages on the pool deck because they’re chasing pool toys, maybe say something.
The other place we get burned by school being out is at theme parks.
Of course, the summer months are one of the biggest tourist seasons, and that means you’ll be dealing with insane crowds on top of the hellish heat and blazing sun.
So, pro tip: don’t come to Florida in the summer and we’ll all be a little happier.
Getting In Your Car After It Has Been Sitting In The Sun
When you’re out running errands in the heat, there is nothing better than plopping back in your car with the AC blasting.
But before you get to that, you have to suffer through a hot car.
Is there anything worse than when you get in your car and grab the steering wheel, only to realize that it’s so hot you practically singe your palms?
Yeah, actually, there is: accidentally leaning on the metal part of a seat belt that has been sitting directly in the sun and branding yourself with it.
I know that sunshades can remedy this, but those are such a pain in the butt. The ones that fold like an accordion are easy to fold and unfold, but then you end up with this big piece of folded, reflective foam that you have to store somewhere.
But if you go with the more compact version of a sunshade that is two pieces, you may never be able to get it folded up and placed back in its little packet ever again.
That’s the kind I have, and it still feels like, on some days, despite nailing that little twist move you have to do to fold the pieces in on themselves, they sometimes just go, “Meh, we don’t feel like folding today, brother,” and then just go BOING and spring open.
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
I can’t believe there aren’t a few people going into hospitals every day with scratched corneas because of those things.
The real solution to this, unfortunately, requires a little bit of money. I bought a new car in January. It’s a Ford Bronco Sport, and because it’s 2026, I had to download the Ford app before I even left the dealership.
I thought this was kind of stupid, but I’m not going to lie: I like being able to see where I parked or how much gas I have while sitting on the couch.
But the biggest feature is the remote start. I always knew that as a cold-weather thing to heat your car before you go to work. What I didn’t realize is that you can turn on your car and then set the temperature.
So, if I’m walking to my car, I can get it nice and cold, so when I open the door on a sweltering Florida day, I get hit in the face with crisp 60-degree air.
It is a game changer… even though I think most people knew you could do this well before I did.
I’m a dope. Let me have this.
Sunburn
I’m usually pretty good about applying sunscreen, but more and more I’m beginning to think it’s a bit of a fools’ errand.
I don’t know if I’m really screwing up when it comes to sunscreen application or if all the UV-blocking goodness isn’t as good as it used to be, but I feel like sunscreen only really works some of the time for me.
There have been many times when I swear I got the back of the neck or the tops of my ears or my shoulders coated with a nice shellacking of Banana Boat, only to get burned anyway.
And is there anything worse than a bad sunburn?
Yeah, tons of stuff is, but it’s still pretty bad.
I just hate how you could be doing nothing and then suddenly be in pain.
You hop in the shower. Pain. You roll over in bed. Pain.
You scratch an itch. Pain.
You know where they don’t have to worry about sunburn? Places where it’s too cold for exposed skin.
…
That’s it for this edition of The Gripe Report.
Be sure to send in your gripes for a future edition!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com
