Happy Friday — and Happy Alien Files Release Day to all who celebrate! We made it. We’re done with another week, and now we’re barreling towards the second full weekend of May.
Where should we start? Aliens? The rat virus? Are we still in a war with Iran? I have no clue. I assume so. A LOT of action right now in the US of A. You can call us a lot of things, but boring ain’t one of ’em! You always have to be on your toes in this country, especially during this age.
But, that’s why this class exists. It’s why we win (alleged) awards. We keep up with the news, so you don’t have to.
Let’s roll.
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Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps — the one where Milwaukee Bucks Heiress Mallory Edens hits the beach while ex-boyfriend Aaron Rodgers mulls another season in Pittsburgh. Are the two related? Nope. But, here we are.
What else? I’ve got the best of the rest from a loaded week of #content, Tyreek Hill is having a typical NFL offseason, and Jenn Sterger celebrated May the Fourth as Princess Leia. Lord knows it’s better than going as that lunatic Mark Hamill.
OK, grab you a coconut creme pie for National Coconut Creme Pie Day and settle in for a Friday ‘Cap!
For those Nightcaps veterans, you know where this is going. We do it every year. Frankly, we do it multiple times a year.
For those new to class, here’s the correct Mount Rushmore of Pies to celebrate this great day:
Yep. Chicken pot pie always makes the list, no matter the time of year. Nothing hits better than a hot chicken pot pie on May 8th in Florida. Especially today, when it’s supposed to reach 92. The best!
I will say, coconut creme pie is super underrated in the world of pies. It deserves far more respect than it gets. Not here, though. We respect the veterans in this class.
OK, let’s get it going. It’s a Friday and I feel like cutting out early in case the aliens get pissed off enough that they decide to invade later on.
Bucks Heiress Mallory Edens turned 30 recently, and we somehow missed it. Today, we make amends.
Happy 30th, Mallory!
Been a while since we checked in with Mallory. Good to see she’s doing well! I know she and Aaron Rodgers split up years ago, but man, what a great time that was.
Now, Aaron is married to some girl who we STILL somehow haven’t identified and is apparently considering returning to the Steelers this season. How long is this dude gonna play? I realize the QB situation in Pittsburgh isn’t great, but do Steelers fans still want Aaron Rodgers?
I would’ve bet big money that last year was his final season. Maybe it still will be? The guy changes his mind every other day. He’ll be 43 later this year. Wild.
OK, let’s get to the best #content from a big week filled with aliens and rats!
Another solid week. A weird one, admittedly, but a solid one. We have a lot of balls in the air right now, as I mentioned at the top. We’re really living in a true “choose-your-own-adventure” game at the moment. What a time to be alive.
Couple thoughts …
Speaking of … let’s go ahead and rapid-fire this Friday class into a big weekend. First up? Let’s stick with aliens … and the rat virus!
Whoaaaaaaaaaa Nellie! I’m not a conspiracy theorist, at all. My wife, on the other hand, often jokes about the birds in our yards being robots, and I’m never 100% sure she’s joking.
But … this isn’t the best look for us. Surely this is just coincidence, right? Right?
… Right?!
I’m moving on, quickly … to Tyreek Hill!
For those who missed it, Tyreek was in court this week to begin his battle against 6-1, 250-pound OnlyFans model, Sophie Hall.
Hall alleges that — and I hope you’re sitting down for this — Hill invited her over a few summers ago to practice some football in the backyard. Seriously. He then had her do an offensive line drill, and she promptly knocked the 5-11 Hill to the ground. Hall then claims that Hill was so embarrassed by this, he fractured her leg.
Naturally, Hall claims, Hill then gave her a piggyback ride to the bedroom and they had a full night of sex. As one does, of course.
Hill claims Hall broke her leg because she tripped on a dog.
And there’s your weekly NFL offseason update! Perfect. No notes. 10/10.
OK, that’s it for today — and this week! Good work all around. Let’s have a big weekend and keep the momentum rolling. We’re two weeks away from Memorial Day. Keep fighting.
See you Monday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Were you let down by the alien report? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
