‘Nightcaps’ is a daily column that catches you up on the biggest sports, news and culture stories you may have missed while pretending to do work at your desk. It runs Monday–Friday on OutKick.com.
Whew. We’re on the other side of the week, boys and girls. And, as of today, we’re on the other side of the month!
The ESPYs were last night. Did you know? I didn’t. Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning and found out! Remember back in the day when the ESPN-led awards show was appointment viewing? It always marked the halfway point of the summer, right?
It usually falls on the slowest sports day of the year (during non-World Cup years, of course), and bridges the gap nicely.
But this year, it came and went with little to no fanfare, which is … fair … given how far ESPN has fallen over the years. And buddy, they did themselves NO favors last night.
On that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps — the one where ESPN snubbed the crap out of our great USA hockey teams. It’s truly unfathomable. You’ll see.
What else? I’ve got Lindsey Vonn turning heads on the red carpet, and is getting stuck in a porta-john the worst possible thing that can happen to a person in this life?
I ain’t talking about getting locked inside, either. I’m talking about literally falling through the toilet and getting trapped underneath.
I’ve never been more disgusted. Stay tuned!
Grab you a drink — dealer’s choice today! — and settle in for a Thursday ‘Cap.
Before we start … watch that video, if you have time. I watch the Jimmy V speech once a year around ESPYs time, and it’s just the best.
True story: I took a public speaking class in college and we had to choose one speech to give at the end of the semester. I chose that one. I’m fairly certain I was terrible at it, but whatever. It’s still my favorite speech of all time — and that includes Lincoln’s address!
Anyway, we’ve gone from that moment back in 1993, to … this moment last night at the latest edition of the ESPYs:
Lordy. The difference that 30 years can make is truly remarkable. Do you think people in 1996, who were alive and well in the 50s and 60s, saw a societal transformation quite like we have? No shot, right?
While that little performance was certainly a talker, it wasn’t the real talker from the night. Nope. That took place a few hours later, when the New York Knicks were inexplicably named the Best Team.
The other finalists?
Goodness gracious. Let me make sure I have the right …
The USA men’s and women’s OLYMPIC hockey teams both won gold medals this year — with the men winning for the first time since the Miracle game — and ESPN instead gave the award for “Best Team” to the New York Knicks?
Okeedokee. Makes sense!
On top of that, they awarded OG Anunoby’s tip-in in GAME 4 of the Finals “Best Play” honors over Jack Hughes’ GOLDEN GOAL to win an Olympic gold medal.
You know what? I’d argue that tip-in wasn’t even the second best play of the year! I’d put both the Golden Goal AND Miguel Rojas’ game-tying home run in the ninth inning of GAME 7 of the World Series over it!
Yeah, I mean … come on. What are we doing here? In what world is a game-winning, gold medal-clinching goal by the USA to win it all for the first time in four decades NOT the play of the year? It’s just insane.
Oh well. ESPN has to pander to the NBA audience. It’s in the rulebook, I reckon.
You know what’s not in the rulebook? Falling through the toilet of a porta-john and having to be cut out:
“Come on, get on outta there!”
“Watch your f–king self, we’re gonna cut way back, get all the way down!”
“I’m not lifting, lean forward!”
“I can’t, dumbf–k”
“I’m the dumbf–k? While you’re stuck in a f–king urinal?”
Just incredible content out of Kansas City today. I’ve never seen anything like it. We live in amazing times right now, folk. Soak it all in. Like Jimmy V said, don’t take anything for granted.
OK, let’s rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big Thursday night. First up? While we were all sleeping or drinking our morning coffee, Bryson DeChambeau was playing some elite golf over at Royal Birkdale:
After just a miserable season in which he’s missed every major cut, Bryson fired a 3-under 67 and sits in a tie for fifth after Day 1. This, of course, comes a day after Sir Nick Faldo lit him up like a Christmas tree.
“He has, and I’ll say it to his face, zero clue of strategy,” Faldo said ahead of the opening round.
Take a look:
Tell us how you really feel, Nick!
Naturally, Bryson then fired a 67 and mentioned the word “strategy” three times in his post-round interview:
Is DeChambeau BACK? No idea. We’ll see if he can carry this over to tomorrow. I hope so, personally. I’ve given Bryson a lot of crap this season, but the game is so much better when he’s in contention.
Didn’t think Royal Birkdale would be the place he would turn it around, but I’m all for it. Give ’em hell, Bryson!
OK, that’s it for today. Good work, everyone. Here’s Jutta Leerdam and Lindsey Vonn dominating the ESPYs red carpet to take us all home.
Patriots.
Did the USA get snubbed? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
