There may be longer races, and there may be more prestigious races, but none require the intestinal fortitude — in the most literal sense — needed to complete the International Taco Bell 50k.
The 9th annual edition of the ultra marathon in Denver gets underway this weekend, and it will see runners traversing just over 30 miles, while making pit stops at a minimum of nine of the ten Taco Bell locations along the route where they must order a menu item and finish it.
And better yet, it’s not sanctioned by the company. They’re just out there for the love of the game.
MONSTROUS WENDY’S BURGER RETURNS, DARING CUSTOMERS TO DEVOUR 9 PATTIES IN 9 MINUTES
Of course, my first thought was that there has to be a way to go easy on the food, but the rules require competitors to eat some serious heavy hitters.
Drinks do not count as food, and all competitors have to eat a Chalupa Supreme or Crunchwrap Supreme by the fourth stop. By the eighth stop, they have to have polished off a Burrito Supreme or Nachos Bell Grande, but other than that, it’s fair game.
PROFESSIONAL EATER INHALES A BURRITO TO RECLAIM A TITLE SHE HAD LOST AS WORLD’S FASTEST
Just finish in 11 hours without puking or using any on-course Pepto, Alka-Seltzer, Pepcid A/C, Mylanta, and congratulations, you’ve completed a race with a higher DNF rate than the 100-mile Leadville 100 Trail Race.
I can’t wrap my head around this race. The last thing I ever want to do after eating Taco Bell is exercise, and I’m eating a fraction of what these athletes will gobble up.
Hell, if someone said, “Now that you’ve polished off that Baja Blast and seven-layer burrito, how about doing a quick lap around the restaurant,” I’d have to respectfully explain that that is a very bad idea.
And here’s a detail no one even seems to pick up on that makes this even more diabolical: it’s in Denver.
So, imagine running 30 miles with a stomach full of every conceivable combination and permutation of tortilla, meat, and cheese, and then doing it at altitude.
This should be an Olympic sport.
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I mean, if breaking was, why not?
But if that still doesn’t seem tough enough for you, there are ways to make it harder. The Baja Blast Challenge requires runners to drink a total of 2 liters of the tropical-flavored soda.
Then, if you’ve got a stomach like a lead-lined bomb shelter, you can try the Diablo challenge, which involves eating each item with Diablo sauce and then doing a Diablo shooter at the finish line.
